They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
