Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
