so let's talk penis.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Randomize