yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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