Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
