I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
