So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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