i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wish i was in the wii world.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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