Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I am available for nakedness
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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