K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
