he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
