when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
