ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
