im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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