sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
