why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize