I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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