he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
