Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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