i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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