That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
