he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
NoShamevember. You game?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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