I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
