You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
