he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
