yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
