at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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