Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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