I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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