your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
