he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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