Cold hands, warm shart.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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