Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
