return my video game
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize