I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
