I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
