can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
