absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize