Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
