i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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