I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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