can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
