Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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