omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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