tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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