Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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