I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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