I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
