We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
