If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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