eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
