I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You don't make any sense
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