We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize