The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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