Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
you made out with another girl for some wings
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
