on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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