PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
