took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
