i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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