Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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