My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
