So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
