need another drink. this is the easiest way
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
