After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
