I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
