I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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