Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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