just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
