My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
