I could make wine with my vomit
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
