i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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